last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
