I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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