Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
