There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
