I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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