i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
