Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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