her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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