the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
