you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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