my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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