I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
