You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
