Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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