she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
