R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
