I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
