I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
