Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
