homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
