im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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