I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
