I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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