BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
