i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
