Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
