This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
