i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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