have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
