you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
