I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
