Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
