Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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