pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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