Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
