I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
