Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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