Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize