Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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