one two three fourrrrnication!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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