dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
