too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
