i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
