I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sarcasm needs its own font
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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