I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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