you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
