She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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