we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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