btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Where is the hickey?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
