How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
