I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
