haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Please, let me fuck your mom
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
