I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
