hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
