my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
