Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im six kinds of drunk right now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
